Touring with the Mystery Jets and being tipped by all and sundry on the back of a "headfuckingly energetic" stage show and experimental sound, its refreshing to see a band is still up for discussing cutting edge issues like masturbation and ape raping. We caught up with the Joustas ahead of their UP all ages show on Feb 21st, and obviously before their management got the chance to sort out a PR agent.

UP - I heard one of you broke your wrist jumping off an amp, was it your wanking hand - and if broken - how did you manage to deal with the hormonal urges of the average adolescent male?

Tom: Basically I climbed a 15 foot pole in the electric ballroom but I hadn't really kept track on how high i had been climbing. So yeah i landed on its concrete and fucked my foot up. And ever since its been a bastard to foot wank!

UP - A very unreliable source tells us Rival Joustas is apparently the name of the second most popular brand of condom in uzbekistan, do you feel your music can help promote birth control in developing nations?

Morgan: We have a song called Experiment and we are all happy for the population of Uzbekistan to experiment sexually but during your period your body fluctuates slightly causing you to feel heat. REAL HEAT

UP - Do you all get along, if so would you rename yourselves "on the same side joustas"?

Scott: Would I blow your mind if I told you we did get on?

UP - Jousting has its traditions in pagan festivals from the mid 15th century, if you were the feudal lord of a fifedom in 15th century christendom would you encourage jousting as a form of entertainment?

Ben: Yeah although I wouldnt have Heath Ledger fighting battles for his blind dad.

UP - Who is your favourite artist(s) of the moment?

Tom: Bob Dylan (1966)
Morgan: Hella
Scott: John 5
Ben: 65daysofstatic

UP - You are from Netley abbey? Can you think of an interesting anagram -
the best we could do was "baby eye lent".

"Able By Teeny"

You should come to Netley Abbey. We once had a battle on the top of its ruins before. Rob Beer (see attached photo, please use! this man is a legend) was a cave troll. And we were ambushed by goblins with Samurai swords and croquet mallets.

Or "Beatle Beny"

UP - If you weren't in rival joustas, which band would you be in?

Tom : King Crimson
Morgan: Gorillaz
Scott: Queens of The Stone Age
Ben: The Manson Family
UP - You have signed to protest recordings - have you protested against anything?

We should probably protest against questions like the following . . . .

UP - You have absolutely nothing to do with "new rave", or more importantly "post-hardcore, sub-genre hoxtonite nathan barley 67bpm transgender electrolyte ed banger remix rave"(TM - and copyright UP magazine 2007) why the fuck are we bothering to cover you in an interview?

Tom: Because we were once described as Hanson on Crack.
Scott: And headfuckingly energetic

UP - We've watched your tour diarys and there seems to be a distinct lack of females - have you all decided to do a KELE from bloc party to raise your profile?

Being on the tour we had to hold back our manager from ape raping many, many thousands of innocent people. Ape raping, a new form of rape in which you spike their drink with a huge silverback (see second attached photo, this man is a gorilla)

UP - Nintendo or sega - and more importantly why?

Scott: Nintendo. Nintendo made Zelda. Enough said.
Morgan: It strangely is such a huge influence on the band.
Ben: We did all get addicted to Halo 2 in the recording studio last time though!
UP - Who came up with your name and why didn't everyone else tell him to shut up and call yourselves pink mambo?

Scott: Morgan came up with the name and he's massive so you wouldn't want to say that.

UP - Who would you most like to tour with and why?

Anybody with a FAT sounding name i.e; Michael Douglas, Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson, and The Bolognase Bastard

Scott: I don't know who but I know what, LAUGHING GAS.

UP - I once made a major "faux pas" during a game of scrabble when I falsely claimed I had made the word xylophone, what is the biggest lie you've told and did you get away with it?

We lie to ourselves every day that OI TIKAMINOI means something. We have got away with it so far.